like porn. in the middle infield.

Got an email from a local talent agency today. Subject “Pilot for TV show”; body: “Seeking Italian looking actors for Italian-themed network TV show pilot starring some reputable actors.  Filming in Little Italy. Please submit headshot and contact number for audition info.”

I don’t exactly look like TV’s version of Italian, per se (I don’t exactly look like TV’s version of any particular ethnicity, because people get really confused by multiracial people…) but I sent my headshot/resume anyway, because hey, the dark hair and ethnic ambiguity might suck them in.

I get the script for the trailer and it’s basically a mob show. Italian-American stereotypes, a few Germans because what the hell, and seriously no roles for women. Here’s how that breaks down:

• The female DA/lawyer/legal-type. She gets to say “Thank you for cooperating” in the trailer.
• One hysterical mid-50s mob wife (the script literally says she’s wearing a gold lamé shirt as she sloppily cries because her husband has been marked by the mob for snitching. No, I’m not kidding.)
• The Good Guy’s Strong and Supportive Girlfriend (who has about two lines in the trailer that say absolutely nothing about her character other than who she is to Good Guy.)
• Low-Level Mob Guy’s Unremarkable and Expendable Girlfriend (The mob kills her by the end of the trailer, after saying she’s only a second-rate girlfriend because she’s not super hot. I hate this show and it’s not even a real show yet.)
• Strippers (The talent agent said I could be a stripper if I wanted. I don’t begrudge any actor who takes the role, but I…don’t really want, as their function isn’t to say anything intelligent about sex work—well, their function isn’t to say anything at all, really. They’re basically decoration and the scene has been used in every network drama ever: Bad Boys Are Regulars At The Strip Club.)

That’s literally all the female roles introduced, as opposed to the FIFTEEN men who say funny, snappy, character-developing things. Fuck you, Hollywood. Your shit is TIRED. I hope this pilot doesn’t get picked up, because quite frankly:

YAWN.

Honestly, based on the script I have? If I saw the trailer on TV, I’d be like “Oh, another show about white people killing each other. Okay.” *click*

That’s my message to you, Hollywood:

*click*